Fighting the demons

There is actually three of us on this trip: Me, Myself, and I.


ME……. is the EGO. Arrogant prick who knows best and can do anything and he is the one who gets me into trouble anytime when I listen to him. Basically one of the main reasons of all my trips is to get rid of this little bastard.


On the other side is MYSELF…...the lazy pussy who is scared of anything and do not want to be challenged in any way.


And    I….. is the real Petr the one who is like between two grinding stones and tries to make the right decision in the right moment anonymously of listening to those little  two sitting on my shoulders.




I hate sitting out weather especially when there is a difficult section in front of me as was crossing of Dingle fjord.


The way I do assessment for a section of coast I am going to paddle is that prior to forecast I imagine the worst case scenario of conditions, make contingency plan, exits and then I either give it green or red light.


That is the moment when those two buggers are the noisiest.


Me goes…..” hey it is just 20 km it is not a biggy piece of cake u done this many times comon do not be a pussy etc etc.”


The other one would make excuses....... “you are tired wait for calm weather, u are gonna die it is too dangerous.”


And I am sitting on the shore trying to ignore those two horrible parts of me and trying to make an anonymous decision whether to go or not.


Problem with blogged expedition is that there is more pressure from the ego. You know you are followed by many people and that makes it harder to have clear mind and be cool as a cucumber.


With the waiting for weather also comes fear which is the hardest part. The longer the wait the bigger the demon becomes, it is the same as trying to jump of a bridge into water, the longer you hesitate the higher it seems to be and the more difficult it is to jump. The difference is that the fall takes in this case several hours and that can be quite stressful.


Anyway as I jumped of the Dingle (bridge) and landed with big splash on the other side 3.5 hours later I passed Slea Head and turned into a Blasket Sound I got into a pickle.


The forecast was f4 gusting 7 and 8 foot swell the gust came in and the sea rose up into tight ass proportions and I was blasting 12 km an hour in stiff downwind run.


I knew I am still in shelter of the islands so I do not feel the full power of the already no 8footers. So I stopped paddling and assessed my option to land now on a shitty beach I knew about or do another 12 km along vertical cliffs stretching over two headlands with no exit whatsoever.


First thought was to hell... you’ve done just 30 odd km at least it is gonna be over forty it is downwind, it will take no time.


And at the moment I knew.... turned the kayak to the shitty beach crash landed emptied the kayak and dragged all my kit through slimy boulders and up a gully in three goes.


In one way I killed the Dingle demon and was relieved that I am on the other side of the fjord.


But I created another one.


Did I chicken out? Or was it right decision?


The day after the forecast was f5 gusting 6 and swell 10 foot. I woke up late and did not need to rush because the beach I crash landed was possible to go only on low tide other time it was just boulders and nasty dumper.


A was watching the sea all morning trying to assess the conditions, white caps everywhere, It did not look so bad I said to myself I took all my kit  and got it down to the water edge dodging slippery boulders in my crocks .


And as I was about to lift the kayak I just said NO it is a weather day.Pulled tail between my legs And dragged all gear up again.


It is very difficult to make those decisions after 2 days of rest and then just half day.


The ego nearly got hold of me and I almost made the wrong decision. Maybe I could make it. But I do not like maybe on the sea it is either yes or no.


That knocks the confidence down quite a bit bail out twice in 2 days doubt sets especially with the waiting.


The day after the winds were lower f4 gust 6 and 7 foot swell.


I waited for low tide and went with the flood to minimise the conditions I expected to be.


The section is gonna be just vertical cliffs facing diagonally into the swell with following wind and tide. In other words if a 7 foot swell hits a cliff it bounces back and meets another swell and they collide the size of the waves pretty much double and f6 gust and you get what is called bumpy lumpy.


It was crazy ride I enjoyed and upped my personal speed record on the Quantum to 16.5.


However as it was fun it was almost too much fun and I did not like the idea of doing another nearly 20 km with no landing so I turned to my planed exit point. Murreagh 


Very happy now about the decisions I made in previous days.


It is quite hard to expand personal comfort zone especially while solo paddling but it is very easy to bust it.


Howgh


Comments

  1. Long range forecast for next 10 days is looking superb for the west coast Petr. Your one lucky sod. We haven't had a stretch of good weather like that during the summer in years. Enjoy it.

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  2. Great explanation of the questions/ dilemmas etc a solo paddler goes through!
    While being stuck on land is not ideal....Slea Head/ Dun Chaoin and Corca Dhuibhne, the whole area, is really beautiful!!! Hopefully the weather in the near future is kinder!

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